Mardi Gras for the kids-- with a catch
By Michael SchumanSpecial to the TribunePublished January 28, 2007
NEW ORLEANS -- Just tell people you are taking your kids to Mardi Gras and you will see eyebrows raised as high as Mt. McKinley.Well, guess what?Last year, my wife and I took our children, 10 and 12, to New Orleans during Mardi Gras season (officially known as Carnival), and we watched all or part of six parades. We traversed the city with our children via car, taxi and on foot, and even covered several blocks of the French Quarter--and there wasn't a bare breast in sight--unless you count the orangutans at the Audubon Park Zoo. We eyeballed people decked in costumes from the regal to the ridiculous, but we examined not a one that would make a dour moralist go off on a rant about the impending end of Western civilization as we know it.We saw first hand what the city fathers of New Orleans have been saying all along: Mardi Gras is mainly a family event. You just have to be careful where you, uh, expose yourself.The fact is that the spring-break debauchery associated today with Mardi Gras does take place, but is more or less relegated to a six-block area of Bourbon Street. Arthur Hardy, local Mardi Gras maven and publisher of "Arthur Hardy's Mardi Gras Guide," says, "The misconception among many is that Mardi Gras is a drunken orgy. That is totally wrong. Mardi Gras is a time for kids and for grownups who can act like kids in a nice way. The nudity that takes place stays mainly in the French Quarter, but with cable and the Internet that image has spread like wildfire."To answer one basic question, post-Katrina New Orleans is not fully back to normal for many unfortunate residents, but it is more or less back to normal for vacationers. To answer another basic question, the term "Mardi Gras" is French for Fat Tuesday and is always the day before the start of Lent (this year, Feb. 20; the parades begin Feb. 9).Communities around the world, especially those with a strong Roman Catholic heritage, have long celebrated this last day before the period of fasting and penitence with festivities; and in some cases the general rule is too much is never enough. Mardi Gras is also New Orleans' debutante season, and some masked balls are open to the public. But to most families, Mardi Gras fun means parades.We saw parades from two different locations, uptown on St. Charles Avenue in the city's famed Garden District, and downtown on lower Canal Street. The only thing we saw that would make a Midwestern schoolteacher blush was a set of plastic fake breasts hanging on a vendor's cart alongside balloons and other trinkets for sale. But we saw no human flesh that one could not see on a Sunday morning in Dubuque, Iowa.Unlike the Macy's and Tournament of Roses parades, Mardi Gras parades are interactive. Parade viewers don't just watch, they catch things, from the ubiquitous beads to all sorts of tchotchkes. We arrived home with 41 1/2 pounds--yes, 41 1/2 pounds--of beads. We also brought home maybe two dozen plastic cups with the name of each krewe, or parade-sponsoring organization, embossed on them. Our loot list also included a couple dozen metal doubloons (coins also with the name of the krewe), stuffed animals, toy spears, Frisbees, a couple of footballs, some little toy gadgets such as one would get with Happy Meals and even a bag to store our stuff in.We discovered that the interactive aspects of the parades do bring out the quirkiness of the human mind. Our experiences, apparently, were typical. Ready to watch a whole day of parades on the Sunday before Fat Tuesday, at about 11 a.m. we parked ourselves on a curb near the corner of St. Charles and Jackson Avenues an hour before the first parade was scheduled to pass.Our reaction to the first float coming up the street was unbridled giddiness. And when the first string of beads tossed from a float was grasped by our sweaty mitts, the emotion could have only been matched by the discovery of gold at Sutter's Mill in 1848.While we saw no fights break out over parade throws, Hardy says he has witnessed altercations, especially after some grab-ees have had a few encounters with alcohol. Still, sobriety doesn't preclude fits of bead envy. Hardy sighs, "There's a bit of macho competitive spirit with people fighting for beads, but then sharing a bunch of the beads they just fought over. It's a strange behavior."The fact is, first timers wonder if they will ever catch anything. They soon learn it is easy, and women don't have to show anything but their eagerness. The beads will come to you. We lived what Arthur Hardy described, as we had beads grabbed out of our--and our children's hands--then offered right back to us. The friendly family next to you can be transformed from the Manson Family to the Partridge Family within the space of a minute. Strange behavior, indeed.By the time the third parade came by in the mid-afternoon, our 12-year-old decided she would sit it out and watch. But she discovered it's hard to sit anything out as the throws are coming at you.One problem with getting caught up in this frenzy is that it becomes easy to pay too much attention to the throws and ignore the decorative nature of the floats, and some are truly spectacular. The same can be said for the many walking clubs and marching bands, which are the Rodney Dangerfields of Mardi Gras. The school bands might not get respect from out-of-towners, but as one fellow parade watcher and native New Orleanian told us, they are taken very seriously in this city with a renowned musical heritage.There was a lull of maybe 90 minutes between the third parade, the Krewe of Thoth, and the fourth, the famed Bacchus. Not wanting to lose our curbside spot, we passed the time by snacking on crackers and chips and chatting with the folks around us. Bacchus began rolling by at about 6 p.m., and the electric lights on the floats made this perhaps the most dazzling of all the parades we saw.Yet after 20 of the scheduled 35 floats had passed and the Louisiana sky had sufficiently darkened we had had enough. In spite of the fact that the parade was still in progress, we headed back to our car, bags of beads and other throws in hand. Weary from parade watching and bead catching, we eschewed fine dining that night and purchased from a parade vendor a pizza that we gobbled down in our room.While we were intrigued by the thought of watching Monday night's Orpheus parade, sponsored by the krewe founded some years back by Harry Connick Jr., we decided to skip it, opting to spend Monday at the Aquarium of the Americas at the southern end of the French Quarter.On Fat Tuesday, however, we took a cab to Canal Street. This was where the proverbial action was, and it would be a short walk to the Quarter afterwards.We arrived in time to catch the last half of the Zulu parade. Since it was in progress we could get no closer than the rear of the throng, six rows deep, not a prime position for catching throws. After Zulu ended, the crowd dispersed and we moved to the front by the barricade separating people from the parade. An hour later came Rex, the king of parades, and within no time we were surrounded by another six rows of humanity. It was here, in the heart of downtown, that we encountered more clamoring crowds, which to the eyes of a float rider must have seemed like feeding time for starved pigeons in a city park.The parade-goers downtown were generally more aggressive than those along St. Charles. And while Rex, which ends in the early afternoon, might be the climax of Mardi Gras parades on Fat Tuesday, it is not the final one. Throughout much of the afternoon truck parades, in which floats are built on flat bed trucks instead of constructed as independent fixtures pulled by tractors, traverse much of the same route as Rex. Truck parades are sponsored by neighborhood groups and not formal krewes, but throws sail from riders' hands as they do from those on the krewe floats.We stayed in New Orleans two days after Mardi Gras, which is a good idea for those who wish to get a taste of the city in its normality. We enjoyed the park-like Audubon Zoo, especially the carefully re-created Louisiana swamp environment complete with a Cajun house floating on water. We indulged in beignets, the powdered-sugar-coated French doughnuts at Cafe du Monde, and checked out a few of the city's smaller museums. And we drove home with beads. Lots and lots of beads.- - -IF YOU GOPARADESNew Orleans' Carnival culminates on Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday)--this year, Feb. 20. Parades begin on Friday, Feb. 9, but there will be no parades this year on Feb. 12-13. Altogether, about 30 parades are planned on the 10 days of parades.
INFORMATIONNew Orleans Metropolitan Convention and Visitors Bureau: 800-672-6124; www.neworleanscvb.com--M.S.- - -
10 Tips For A Mmerrier Mardi Gras
The eponymous author of "Arthur Hardy's Mardi Gras Guide" has this to say about Mardi Gras parade-watching etiquette: "You have to consider that you have a 6-mile-long parade route with about a million people in attendance. There are no requirements for attendance and nobody is paying anything either. So you are getting a very mixed crowd. In general, it is kind of a free-for-all."That in mind, here are 10 practical tips for enjoying parade viewing at Mardi Gras.
1. The basic rule is that there are no basic rules. With such crowds, it is hard to enforce the technical ones, such as ladders having to be as far from the curb as they are high. That said, laws against public intoxication, public urination and fighting are enforced, and crowds often break into applause when a drunken lout is arrested. But if some jerks in the front row want to stand on a crate and block everyone's view, that's their prerogative. You can ask them kindly to step down but they don't have to.
2. The best day for seeing the most parades is the Sunday before Fat Tuesday. Over the course of eight hours we stayed in one spot and saw all or part of Okeanos, Thoth, Mid-City and Bacchus. The second best day is Fat Tuesday when some of the best-loved parades, Zulu and Rex, take place, followed by assorted truck parades. For parade viewing with small crowds, come the second weekend before Fat Tuesday when eight parades will take place in different parts of the city Friday through Sunday.
3. Conventional wisdom says the way to acquire the most throws is to stake out a spot near the end of the parade route where the riders unload whatever they have left. However, it is also probably the least attractive place in terms of aesthetics. It's a disbanding area that Hardy compares to the backstage area of a theater. Says Hardy, "Whatever you would get in more beads, you give up as far as pageantry of the parades."
4. To pee or not to pee, that is the question. The city puts out hundreds of portable toilets, but thousands are needed when Carnival is in full swing. Some entrepreneurs, including non-profit groups trying to raise money, set up their own porta-potties and charge a nominal fee for using them. If you plan on indulging in liquids, be sure to station yourself near a portable toilet, free or not. And bring some towelettes.
5. Several years ago some enterprising locals began bringing ladders with seats on top so children could have a decent view. Others added wheels so the ladders could be rolled instead of carried to their destinations. The good news is that kids in ladder seats do get great views and receive lots of throws. The bad news is that these ladders can be unsafe. Aside from the distance rule mentioned in the first tip, it is illegal to tie ladders together or to block intersections with them. Ladder seats should have a bar to lock children in place. Some area hardware stores sell ladders with seats and wheels, but most people make their own.
6. If barricades are up, don't cross them. If police tell you to step back because you are standing too far into the road, do so. They mean business.
7. The noise, commotion and crowds can be a lot for young children. So can waits between parades. Bring books or toys to keep young ones' minds occupied during lulls. Blankets serve a dual purpose of keeping seated kids comfortable and wrapping them if the weather turns chilly.
8. It is an unwritten Mardi Gras rule to never attempt to pick up a throw from the pavement without stepping on it first. There is too much of a chance your fingers will be crushed. Stepping on the throw stakes your claim. When it is safe you may bend down and pick it up.
9. Arrange a meeting place should you get separated.
10. Leave jewelry at home, wear comfortable shoes and consider leaving your camera behind and using a cheap one or a throwaway.--M.S.- - -
Yes, it's true about Bourbon Street with the desire for journalistic thoroughness as my only motive, I decided it was necessary to spend some time on Bourbon Street to see if all the dirty things they talk about are just urban legends. So on two evenings, Fat Tuesday and the night before, my wife, Patti, and I headed--sans kids--to the heart of the French Quarter.Suffice it to say nobody will ever be lonely on Bourbon Street on any evening, but especially during Carnival. Crossing the street is like running through Vaseline. It can be done but it is messy. There are walls of human beings in your way and you have to step through all sorts of Mardi Goo--spilled beer, broken beads and only God knows what forms of bodily waste.Not all the partyers are in the street. The balconies are packed with hordes throwing beads to the assembled crowds below.Most women in the street can get beads without exposing their breasts. However, plenty do show skin to the thrill of men young enough to be in college and old enough to be their grandfathers.Below the balconies are strip clubs, music clubs, sex shops, souvenir stores, T-shirt emporia, and quick and easy places to grab alcohol. Each night we bought a couple of Hurricanes (made from a few varieties of rum, grenadine, pineapple and orange juice) and one time as I was paying I felt a woman's hand on my butt. She was young enough to be my daughter and she mumbled something I couldn't understand.We decided to check out one of the music clubs. The music, all screeching guitars and hip hop, was loud but the place was so packed with the young and the pierced that there was no room for dancing. It didn't matter anyway since the action was not on the dance floor but on stage where women from the audience shook their young bodies, trying to be seen. One college-age woman stripped off her shirt and bra and danced on the stage topless, having no trouble being seen.The two disc jockeys decided to perform a public service for the women in the audience. For any women who came to the stage, the deejays would--free of charge and with nothing in it for them, mind you--wash and dry the women's breasts and backsides. The altruism of today's young people is astounding!Waitresses offered me the opportunity to do shots out of their cleavage, for a price, of course. With my wife by my side I could only decline their offers.Our ears ringing, Patti and I walked to Rampart Street to catch a cab to take us back to our room. Conclusion: We're too old for this. And of course, don't take your kids here, but worry that they might be here on their own some day.--Michael Schuman
